There's Probably a Word for That

Every now and then an unfamiliar word or phrase will get me reaching for a dictionary (not much of a stretch when you have a smart-phone in your pocket). One such phrase, 'babinski response', caught my attention last week. It's the name of a test for neurological abnormalities (in adults) and it is, seemingly, easy to conduct: you just stroke the base of your foot in a particular way and watch your toes curl - either up or down. Naturally I had to try it out. The result was worrying in that my toes remained stationary, from which it is possible to draw several conclusions: that I have a rare medical condition; that I am a hypochondriac; or that I have no idea what I'm doing. The last of these is the most likely and, guess what, there's a word for it – ultracrepidarianism, the tendency to make judgements or give advice outside of one's area of expertise.

Rather that than hypochondria: no one believes a hypochondriac, whereas an ultracrepidarian stands a chance of not being rumbled - as long as there's no one listening who really knows their onions. In the past few weeks I've had opportunities to test this hypothesis on some of my relatives when, during a flurry of social visits to Manchester, they've allowed me to guide them around some of its attractions. I'm not saying I invented any of the facts and figures that I regaled them with, but sometimes I sailed close to the wind with only the sketchiest of knowledge to propel me forward. I suspect I could have told a few tall tales without being challenged but there was really no need: they all expressed interest and pleasure in the little guided tours. Either they really did gain from the experience or I am fortunate in having exceptionally polite relatives.

But the tours were quite time-consuming, leaving me somewhat behind with my personal projects. So this week I've been determined to apply a little time-management to my days in order to optimise them. Life, however, gets in the way of efficiency. One particular day, trying to work around several fixed points - dropping the campervan off at the garage, visiting a box-office with very particular opening hours, catching the start of a film etc - involved so much criss-crossing of the city that I was left feeling that all I had really achieved was an overdose of physical exercise. (The film - Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter  - was a waste of time, by the way).

One of the things I've noticed while pounding the pavements is the increase in the number of pedestrians navigating with the aid of smart-phone map apps. The technology is terrific and I'm a big fan but it does have drawbacks. Leaving aside the probability that publishers of A-Z street guides must be feeling the pinch, my main concern is that visitors to a city who rely on a phone map will be denying themselves the opportunity to interact with locals - and vice versa. I would just love the opportunity to direct out-of-towners to where they want to go - via a few points of interest personally recommended. If they would like to see some of the local colour that still exists despite the dominance of multi-national brands, I could help. Never mind Google, ask me.

Of course I would never approach them uninvited: they might be taken aback, shy or unfamiliar with English. And I suppose they might prefer the pre-programmed certainties of the phone itinerary to the whimsical responses of a stranger. And who could blame them? He might just turn out to be a logorrheic ultracrepidarian, and who's got time for all that bullshit?