How many men does it
take to change a light bulb? Just one – as long as he is a qualified and
experienced electrician. The bulb in question is, in fact, an LED embedded deep
in a recessed fitting in my kitchen ceiling. When I had the old light fittings
replaced three years ago, I was so enthralled by the reassurance that these new
LEDs offered low energy consumption and incredible longevity that I gave no
more thought to their eventual replacement than a teenager would give to
retirement options. However, this morning, as I balanced on a dining chair with
the beam of my head torch flickering weakly on the ceiling and struggled to
extract the ‘bulb’ that had been blinking for several days, I had cause to
question my lack of foresight and regret my ignorance of advanced lighting
technology.
I had been putting off
the task until I had resolved another household technical issue, the supposedly
essential software upgrade to our mobile phones. (My partner and I have the
same model for reasons to do with convenience and domestic harmony.) While I
accept that technological advances are necessarily cumulative and that
obsolescence is all part of that process, I am also wary of the disruption to
one’s routines that can result. In this case, just when I thought I had my
digital affairs in order, Microsoft decided to fiddle with my filing system and
reorganise it in such a labyrinthine fashion that I had to spend days finding
stuff. It’s a bit like having someone ‘tidy’ your study in your absence without
your permission and finding, when you return, that they have gone AWOL, leaving
you to cope on your own with the anxiety of lost folders and shredded to-do
lists.
Of course, I had a
cunning plan to minimise the anticipated pain of updating our phones: it was to
try it first on mine. There is only one thing worse than getting in a pickle
with your phone and that is screwing up your partner’s: the ensuing recriminations
bring even more pain. In the end – despite the tensions and the moments of
panic – this proved to be a successful strategy, though it left me drained and
with some residual tidying-up of stray apps and unfamiliar ring-tones. Then,
flushed with success, I came to tackle the light bulb. Perhaps I should have
taken a few days for recovery, for my failure here tested my resilience and
found it wanting. Defeated, I phoned the electrician and retreated to the
tranquillity of the coffee bar in the lobby of a nearby hotel, where I calmed
myself over a cappuccino, pondering the while whether tech-anxiety really is
related to ageing. Not that I regard myself as old. Only a few evenings
previously, while walking in the company of an even older man, a tout
approached and offered us free entry tickets to a local lap-dancing club. When
I protested our dignified senior status, the young whipper-snapper winked and
said “You’re never too old, gents.” We declined his offer, not only because we
were on our way to dinner with our partners, the two ladies walking a few yards
ahead of us.
Meanwhile, the calm of
the hotel lobby had the desired effect and, with no wi-fi connection, I felt
cosseted within an old-fashioned environment, safe from the thrusting, youthful
demands of technology. I was reading old-style print and came across this quote: There is a fountain of youth: it is your
mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the
people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly
defeated age. The author was not a renowned philosopher, but that goddess
of the silver screen, Sophia Loren. I’ll bet she also would have been able to
tell me how many men it takes to change a light bulb.
Thank-you Wonderman, great piece this week (& I hate replacing LED lamps too, my advice is to buy branded ones, they really do last much longer 😊)
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